I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
