Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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