1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
