I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
