I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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