What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
