you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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