I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
