RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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