please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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