I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
