I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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