Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
