ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
