this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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