i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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