just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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