his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Congratulations! We have a period
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