How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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