so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
