Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
