It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
