he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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