So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
