You can't special order awesome
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
