Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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