curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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