YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
