it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
