funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
