I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
