i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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