Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
