My hand turned me down
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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