Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
