there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
