Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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