i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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