you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
