I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
