Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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