saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
