"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
