If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
