found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
