the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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