I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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