glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
