Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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