I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
