Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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