I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
