the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think people are normalizing furries
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
