no. you can't hotbox the world.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
