I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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