She said her name was "party"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
