ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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