Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
