I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
