Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
