HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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