just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
