I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
