no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize