Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
