I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
