Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
