According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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