I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
