Please, let me fuck your mom
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
