did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
