I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
