What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
