highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize