I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
