I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
