when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
