My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
