Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
