We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize